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rec.climbing's greatest hits, 2003


by Kelly Bates

January 28, 2004

Aware that there's a USENET channel about climbing? Here's where the old hard-core climber-types hang out. Check out the news channel sometime at Thanks to Tradgirl and all of the regulars and not-so-regulars, and the just not-normal on r.c for your time and efforts.


5 Worse Things Inmates Could Do Behind Bars Than Learn to Make Biners:
5. Learn to make Explosives
4. Maintain the Database of those in Witness Protection Program
3. Learn the trade of Locksmithing
2. Serve as 911 Operators
1. Become Sperm Donors
(Rex Pieper)

The slideshow goes on and on and on. I was suddenly horrified. Who have I been climbing with and what 'bad habits' have I been taught? Other than how to wear my helmet at a jaunty angle.

I can't crank if it has a handle on it.
(Mike Mooney)

Seems like has a lower asshole to user ratio but a much, much, much higher dipshit to user ratio :) It then follows that the dipshit to asshole ratio is out of control.

There are too many bolts by Yosemite standards; but let's respect the FA. If we don't remove bolts from tightly bolted routes, it'll be easier to defend the runouts on other classics from future parties who will want to add bolts.
(Greg Barnes)

Nevertheless, it's worth hanging on in here to catch the meaningful discussions we occasionally have about stoves, pies, the importance of failure and keeping a stiff upper lip and why no-one posts here any more. Once in a while some headstrong fool posts about climbing they've done, and we all seek to reassure ourselves that what they did wasn't that hard really, we would have done it ourselves if we hadn't (or had) been old, infirm and unfit and if we did it once ourselves many years ago it was probably a mistake and we should seek to discourage others from doing the same.
(Tony Buckley on uk.rec.climbing)

I wish this were one of those web-based forums so I could put a little gremlin with question marks over his head, or perhaps rolling eyes or both. However, since this is rec.climbing I will just reply with, "WTF?"

Beware the "boulder start" .

Igor, one as you know that real man need not pad. Pad is for woman and only man who have not the ball.

unfortunately, democracies can't give the people what they want, but just a list of persons to pick from.
(David Kastrup)

Outside the Taco Bell a beautiful golden-haired woman in the driver's seat of a beautiful silver sports car turned her head, saw us, and put her hand up to brush her hair back. My partner said, "You know what that means, don't you?" I pretended I did.
(Andy Cairns)

Getting out of this required a 5.11 Beached Whale move combined with a Bloody Scream, something they never teach in the gym.
(Lord Slime)

Sure, some people pack more crap than others, but going dumb and naked isn't what "Fast and light" is about either.
(Nate B)

Access to a free meal card will make you feel like a God, and as each caf meal is big enough to feed two, you can have another person think you're a God also. Bring tupperware into the buffet and you can start your own religion.
(Jason Lucero)

Another problem with the word 'engram' is that, like all jargon, it leaves the incurious with the impression that they know something they don't.
(Andy Cairns)

Wow, I have rec.climbing age and experience. That can't be a good thing.

The argument suggests that additional weight carries best on the climber, distributed naturally in sebaceous deposits by selective overgrazing. On the climber's body, body fat rides close to the center of gravity, moving in consonance with each effort, instead of dangling and swinging with each move, like some drilled out 11 hexcentric.
This "RC corollary" thus states that:
"A pound on the rack is worth five in the ass."
Climbers are urged to trim the rack first, and continue to enjoy quality dining.

I'm an expert at torturing people on different levels of the Yosemite Crack Circuit. The key to torture is don't kill the victim all at once!
(Karl Baba)

You never stand so tall as when you've kicked the guy standing next to you in the sack, and he's on his knees in pain. In short, it's all relative.

Best Flames:

Wow, talk about ascending Mt Uberstupid...

>This would be a nicer newsgroup for everyone
>if these two went somewhere else.

Gravity would be softer were it's acceleration not as fast.
(Eugene Miya)

Well, you are only off by a factor of 6, big deal. 1 in 5 or 1 in 30, where is the difference for a physicist?
(David Kastrup)

I apologise for attributing more intelligence to you than I should have done.
(Martin Carpenter)

Good Answers to Bad Questions:

> i'm going on holiday to france has anyone ever done any rock
> climbing there and can they suggest good climbs

could you give us more information like where in france you're going and when and what kind of climbing you're looking for and and at what level whether you have done any research yourself or are just bugging us and anyway why should we take the time to help you when you can't be bothered to even use any punctuation or provide basic information much less actually do any leg work yourself so I am going to guess that you belong in a gym try murmur in paris but just boulder because i have friends there and i would rather you not belay them
(Frederick 'Fritz' Weihe)

Best Troll: Burt Bronson


Best Thread

This is REAL

Best Trip Reports:

The Stall by Todd

Vegas Vignettes by Alex Chiang

The Perverted Diamond (Kor's Door & Pervetical Sanctuary) by JSJ

Recollections of the First Free Ascent of the Left Side of the Hourglass by Peter Haan

Jules Verne by JSJ

Long Quotes:

Trad Eye for the Bolt Clipper by Jason Liebgott

Reality Check by ^..^

This comes from: Camp4
Live To Climb