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Vertical Limits- The Movie


by Unknown

February 13, 2001

Camp4 - Climbing News Archive

Have you seen the movie? It's definitely entertaining but as a climber, We are sure that you'll find fault with it. Why hold that against the movie, it's fun to pick the eyes out of it. Unlike the movie, the web site contains many K2 facts that are worth having a look at. [more]

We received a forwarded email titled "Twenty Things Vertical Limit Taught Me About Climbing" the author is unknown. We liked it, so we decided to share it with you.

Twenty things Vertical Limit taught me about climbing

  1. Pakistan is a five-hour drive from Christchurch.
  2. All anchors will give at least 20 seconds warning of failure and will wriggle around in an attention-grabbing manner before doing so.
  3. Jake the Muss has a chopper pilot's licence and can speak fluent Urdu.
  4. All crevasses have flat floors on which you can walk around, as well as convenient bottomless holes to dispose of evil billionaires.
  5. Even when freezing, it is not necessary to zip up one's jacket and your critically-ill companion merely needs to have a sleeping bag draped over him.
  6. The fatal point of altitude sickness can be predicted down to the hour.
  7. Even though you know your sister will die in exactly five hours, make sure you camp in a ridiculously commodious tent complete with a gas lantern.
  8. Any rescue team will include a potential love interest.
  9. Oxygen levels at the same altitude vary enormously, so that climbers sometimes gasp like fish out of water but at other times are able to breathe as if in a refrigerated studio near Queenstown.
  10. Ice axe arrests only work within 10cm of the edge of a massive precipice and will then hold no matter how much swinging around the climber does.
  11. All backpacks must have large snow stakes attached to the outside but these must never be used.
  12. Broken fingers can be repaired in a similar way to dislocated shoulders, by popping them back into place.
  13. Two carefully-placed camming devices will always fail but a single one placed via a dyno move will always hold - if done by an attractive rescuer.
  14. Nitro glycerine can only be carried on the outside of a backpack in a flamboyantly over-engineering but leaky container.
  15. Nitro glycerine will explode without warning if exposed to the heat of the sun or if it leaks from the container - but only if nobody notices.
  16. However nitro glycerine will not explode if it is shaken around like a cocktail-maker in a backpack while running towards the shade of a serac, or if it is poured onto the snow in full sun to rescue your sister.
  17. Nitro glycerine will cause huge avalanches, blow rescue climbers to pieces, and seer other rescue climbers hundreds of metres above but will not hurt climbers hidden in a crevasse a few metres from the site of the explosion.
  18. Although you are only a few metres from your sister, you can abandon use of the radio in favour of throwing down a cryptic note in the knowledge that it will land at her feet and not down the billionaire-swallowing hole.
  19. Ice has very similar dynamics to polystyrene.
  20. No matter what mountain you're on, you can't get away from Australians.

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