Camp4: Live To Climb Skip over navigation image
 

Home > Rock > Boone the New Bouldering Boom Town? 

Boone the New Bouldering Boom Town?


 

by Editor

July 03, 2001

We have all been asking the question whether or not Boone is the next US bouldering hotspot. Boone this, Boone that, blah, blah, blah. Is it all hype or is this the new Mecca of bouldering? Thankfully Harold Pennington, columnist for Boulderdash Magazine, spells it out quite clearly.

Harold,
There's been a lot of spray about Boone lately, and I was just wondering if it's true that Boone has the best bouldering in the country. I mean, YOU live there, so what's the story?
Carolina Dreamin'

Dear Dreamin'
I'm afraid that you, like everyone else, have been deceived. You see, the town of Boone is really an elaborate hoax created by myself and a small, but dedicated, group of boulderers known collectively as M.I.S.T.Y. M.I.S.T.Y. was founded in the mid 1950s as a means of preventing Communists from infiltrating and destroying the American climbing scene. My Father, Harold Pennington Sr. (weight 180), was one of the founding agents and I naturally assumed the mantle of leadership upon his death. Since the fall of the Evil Russian Empire, M.I.S.T.Y. has been concerned primarily with safeguarding our climbing areas from Arab Terrorists, Canadians, Kayakers, and other deviant elements that threaten our climbing freedom. In the early 1980s our overseas agents began to send back reports of a new threat called Sport Climbing. Foreseeing that this new enemy was simply too strong, M.I.S.T.Y. began to plan for the future, and the future, as we saw it, was bouldering. In order to protect our bouldering areas from the invading hordes of French Sport Climbers, we created a huge organic computer program which we called B.O.O.N.E.N.O.R.T.H.C.A.R.O.L.I.N.A., or BooneNC for short. The program is created from ordinary climbing chalk, old back issues of Rock& Ice (the ones with page after page of inaccurate guides to areas you've never heard of), DNA from John Gill (don't ask how we got it), and a dash of Patchouli oil. The program runs on a vast network of "brains" otherwise known as the "residents" of the "town" of Boone, NC. When running, BooneNC creates an extremely realistic virtual world. Those who enter this world believe that they are really climbing on the fantastic "boulders" of Boone. This program allows M.I.S.T.Y. to monitor and control the bouldering experience of the entire country from our secret headquarters in Banner Elk. We have similar Command Posts in Bishop California and Utah (the Command Post in Boulder, CO began malfunctioning in 1989, and had to be abandoned. It seems to have contracted a virus that fools it into believing itself to be the center of the universe. This virus was most likely planted by our arch nemesis, the sinister organization known as V.E.R.V.E.) BooneNC allows us to provide realistic Virtual Bouldering for your entertainment, while hiding and protecting the real bouldering, all of which is located in Duluth, Minnesota. So, Dreamin', come on down to Boone!

The "bouldering" is great and the "locals" are friendly. I hope that answers your question.

Virtually, Harold Pennington (age 40)

P.S. The weather module is currently malfunctioning. Please be patient as we make repairs.

Editor's Note: These guys are great. I have been reading their mag for years and they are the source of 'whats new' in the East Coast climbing scene. Harold Pennington (age 40)...Horse Pens 40...hmmmm.

If you get a chance, visit the website at http://www.boulderdashmag.com



Print Page


Comments are closed.

 

2000-2017 © D4DR Media | Thoos.com | Contact Us | Privacy Policy | Terms and Conditions | Advertise